


Day One: Holding Hands (AKA "You are going to make THAT into WHAT?")

by a_xmasmurder



Series: 30 Days of OTP: Bond/Q [1]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond - All Media Types, Skyfall (2012) - Fandom
Genre: 30 Day OTP Challenge, And Bond doesn't really know what to do, And Eve is just as bad, Eventually they will be a couple, Gen, Q is actually evil and scary, Vibrators, relationship building
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-03
Updated: 2013-05-03
Packaged: 2017-12-10 06:10:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/782708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_xmasmurder/pseuds/a_xmasmurder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Q is scary, Bond is confused, and Eve's just having fun with this whole thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Day One: Holding Hands (AKA "You are going to make THAT into WHAT?")

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, this is just for fun. *shrugs and gets onto the train for the ride*

“Here.” Q held the tiny radio out to Bond. “This has a simple beacon that will broadcast your location as soon as it’s activated.”

“Just like the one you gave me in the National Gallery.”

“Yes, but try to bring this one back? I’m still not sure how you managed to lose that other one.”

Bond smiled at his Quartermaster. “I was in a helicopter. Anything could have happened. Could have fallen out of my pocket?”

Q rolled his eyes. “It hardly matters now. Don’t lose it.”

“Yes, Quartermaster.” He smirked and tipped a mini-salute. “I will do my utmost to not lose the thumbnail-sized transmitter that is most likely the same color as the suit that I will be wearing to the party.”

The deep breath that Q took made Bond’s lips curl even more. “007.”

“Q.”

“Get out of here before I use you as target practise.”

Instead of heeding the warning, Bond leaned a hip against the metal table which served as Q’s workspace. Everything that could be used in his work was scattered on the brushed steel; wires, SSDs, cards, a soldering iron, headphones, plastic bits in assorted colours, pliers, a pocket knife, transistors, batteries, post-its plastered on every relatively flat surface, safety goggles, empty bullet casings and...Bond reached out with one battered hand and picked up a small metallic pill-shaped...”What’s this, then?”

Q had turned back to his monitor, but he looked back at the agent as his hands flicked over the flat keyboard. He peered for a moment, then treated Bond to a smirk of his own that twisted his lips into something Bond found he liked. A lot. “That would be something you wouldn’t know much about, if you are nearly half as good with the ladies as your reputation would have people believe.”

Bond wasn’t sure what that meant. His lifted eyebrow telegraphed that fact, and Q let out a very put-upon sigh. “It’s a vibrator, 007.”

The agent looked down at the small thing in his hand. “A vibrator?” He looked back up at Q. “Awful small.”

“It’s called a ‘Bullet’. It’s rather powerful, actually.”

Bond rolled it around on the palm of his hand. “Alright...”

“I made it remote control so I could test the range. Thinking of making it into a grenade.”

Bond’s head snapped back up. “You are evil.”

“Of course I am. How else can I work with you people.”

“Why would you want to make this a grenade?”

“Because, it would be easier to slip past security.” Q stared at Bond. “It isn’t like you’d need to actually use it, Bond.”

Bond kept his eyes on his much younger compatriot. “Q. Why would you make something like this into a grenade?”

Finally, Q seemed to get it. “Oh. No. Noooo, you aren’t going to use it like that, no, God no. No.” He shuddered. “Oh, heavens no, Bond. You’d plant it somewhere where it’s not noticeable, and set it off by a remote.” He flapped a flustered hand at the vibrator. “Change the color, make it not shiny and...oh, you think I would do something like THAT?”

Bond couldn’t help but laugh at Q’s horrified expression. “I wouldn’t put it past you.”

“Oh, no!” Q shook his head. “Grenades are lethal and scary enough, let’s not shove one up someone’s vagina or arsehole -”

“What the hell are you two on about?” Eve chose this moment to walk past, and Bond relished the chance to see Q blush almost crimson.

“Q is building a grenade out of this.” Bond held up the vibrator.

Eve blinked, and then a horrifying smile graced her face as she regarded the Quartermaster. “You know, Q, that would be an excellent way to smuggle explosives, and discreet to boot.” Bond couldn’t help but feel suddenly, dangerously outnumbered by the crazy in the room. She looked at him. “What, did you expect me to freak out, 007? Q did make an exploding lipstick for me. You know, just in case.” She kept grinning as he laid the stack of reports on top of a pile of motherboards on Q’s desk. “Make sure you fill these out this time, Q. M is getting impatient with the backlog.”

Q sighed and scowled at her. “Fine. Ugh. Paperwork. I hate Acquisitions.” He plucked up the first paper and stared at it as Eve clicked her tongue at him and walked away. Bond followed her with his head, not too sure he should let her out of his sight. Then his head snapped back as the creator of the little baubles and exploding lipsticks and vibrators and transmitters that would go with his cufflinks whined in dismay.

“No, I don’t even have this piece of tech anymore, 006 blew it up in Milan! Fuck, do I really have to fill this out? I’m calling Tanner.” He poked the keyboard with his index finger indignantly. “I don’t have time for thi - Bond, you are still here. Why are you still here?”

Bond held out the vibrator. “Whatever you do, don’t give this to me.”

“You are already holding it.” Q looked confused for a moment, then nodded. “Oh, well. I, um...I could just give it to someone else, then. Why are you so concerned about having it?”

“I just don’t like the idea of it.”

“Don’t tell me you have a vibrator?” Q smiled, a snarky thing that Bond wanted to wipe off the scrawny little bastard’s face.

“No. I don’t have a - “

“Why not? They are pleasant little things.” Q shrugged. “I have one, and it’s brilliant.”

Bond took a moment to think about that sentence, and came up with nothing that told him that Q was a sexual being. He just...couldn’t see the kid (kid?) leaving the safety of his programming and electronics long enough to even bother with sex. _Which could be why he has a vibrator, you idiot._ “Oh?”

“Yes. In fact, it’s also a Bullet. A smaller version of this one, and wired, actually, but it’s lovely.” Q flicked through the remaining papers. “Sits right next to the prostate. Really sparks things up when someone’s riding me.”

Something must have crossed Bond’s face, because Q suddenly laughed. “Oh, did you think I was a helpless little hacker with a flat dedicated to World of Warcraft and Mountain Dew bottles and skin magazines because I can’t get a leg over to save my life?” He sat down on his chair and giggled harder. “Bond. Jesus. If you are ever bored enough, you should come to the clubs with me. They may not make one of your famous martinis, but I can show you a really good time.”

Bond couldn’t stop the smirk from rolling across his face. “Really.”

Q leveled a searching stare his way, and his eyebrow perked up. “Yes, I can. In fact, I insist.” He reached over to cover the little Bullet vibrator still lying in Bond’s palm. His fingers were rather cool, and Bond couldn’t help but look down at the long fingers brushing against the heel of his hand, against the meaty part of his thumb, tracing a white scar with a surprisingly rough fingertip. Q’s palm flattened against his, and Q smirked up at him. “When you get back from Latvia. Meet me at Club Colosseum, ten o’clock. Do not be late, Mr. Bond.”

Bond’s eyes went wide in shock as the little thing in his palm started to buzz, the noise contained by both of their hands. Q continued to stroke his sensitive wrist, still tracing that blasted scar. Without warning, the buzzing ramped up, and the vibrations started to make his palm numb with the sensations. “Dear God.” He blinked, and stared at Q. “You have one of these?”

“Yes. Lovely, isn’t it?” He sighed, and slid his hand away from Bond’s, letting his fingers drag across the man’s hand. “You should get one.”

Bond closed his eyes and closed his hand around the vibrating little thing. “It’s...interesting, yes. Not sure I’d get one, though.”  
  
“Trust me. Get one.” Q winked. “You won’t regret it.”

The agent huffed. “Fine. I’ll get one.” He opened his eyes in a squint. “Do you have a gun for me?”

“Of course, 007. Almost forgot, apologies.”

Bond boggled at how Q was suddenly all business again, completely different than the not-so-subtle... _whatever that was_. He cocked his head as Q picked up the gun case, and made a field decision.

He was going to have to get some different clothes for this club.


End file.
